I Will Play Games Beneath The Spin Light…

Many hours go into the preparation, planning and writing of each piece that graces your screen under the a mind of its own banner. We’ve often looked back and reflected at whether these are wasted hours where we’ve avoided the world outside and allowed ourselves a modicum of comfort hiding behind the keyboard as we type out what we hope will generate some conversation or at least give you all a laugh. After all, if you aren’t laughing you’re most likely crying. Not that there’s anything wrong with a good old cry, we all need one from time to time which leads us to the topic behind this instalment of Australia’s most underrated blog in the writer’s opinion. Where else do you get to read about the lost art of bumper sticker collection?

We’ve all cried at least once in our lives and if you aren’t well you might need to see a doctor about that as there is a good chance you have a blocked tear duct, are a robot or well we hate to say it you are emotionless. We poke fun but there are medical reasons why some people can’t cry and we shouldn’t overlook those. You’re probably thinking, are they really going to write a whole blog on crying and lecture us about the emotional state of people and what makes them shed a tear or two. Lucky for you the answer is no, no we are not. We are however going to give you a whole blog on another bodily function and no we aren’t talking about dropping the kids off at the pool. But yes poo is often a hot topic in households with young families or families who are open to shit conversations…literally.

So how do you start a blog about ejaculation knowing that some of your readers are squeamish and the writer’s parents are probably reading this? Well you start with the word ejaculation and just get straight into it and hope for the best. A little bit like your first time, it’s going to be weird, it’s going to be messy and it might not be that much fun for all involved but once you’re through it, well it just becomes another memory or in this case blog post. We are hoping that we don’t have to explain the biomechanics behind how a male ejaculates or female for that matter. We are also hoping that we don’t win a Guinness world record for the amount of times the word ejaculation is used outside of medical journals, romance novels, porn magazine articles or videos.

Now both men and women ejaculate to be clear. Not that many studies have been carried out to quantify that statement in recent times. The last one we could find was from 2013 that estimates that anywhere between 10-54% of women ejaculate. That can range from a few drops to half a cup. Yes,yes every depraved mind has googled two girls, one cup at some point throughout their introduction to the internet. But our focus isn’t on women and their ability to cum with gusto but more on nocturnal ejaculation or as it’s better known to every boy traversing through and beyond puberty a wet dream.

Firstly for some good news ladies it’s not just those toting XY chromosomes that have what are now being called nocturnal emissions. Women too have wet dreams, a surprise event that can sneak up on a young woman just like their first time menstrating. Yeah pun intended, grown arse men and women get them and will continue to get them throughout their life but what are they and what causes them you ask well herein lies the science behind a nocturnal emission (we scoured the internet looking for the most hilarious names we could come up with).

If you don’t know what a wet dream is, you might be pretty shocked, confused, or embarrassed the first time you experience one or each and every subsequent time you have one as an adult. Just remember it’s natural, it’s normal and most of all it’s ok, even as an adult. Also known as a nocturnal emission, or a sleep orgasm, wet dreams are when you ejaculate or cum spontaneously (without manual stimulation) while you’re pushing zzz’s (asleep). You might wake up during a wet dream or you might sleep through it and find the evidence smeared on your underwear, pants or sheets in the morning. We’ve all woken up sticky and covered in our own baby making juices once or twice in our lives and don’t say you haven’t.

So we now have what it is but what about why we hear you asking? Well ladies and gentlemen here’s the rub of it. We know, we know, it’s very punny. The causes of wet dreams are still not fully understood. During puberty your body is going through so many changes. For males you’re beginning to produce hair in places it’s never been before along with sperm, you change the way you view sex and you start to develop urges and you begin the throws of attraction to other people. For females your bodies go through massive changes, all of sudden your hips widen, you develop breasts, like males you develop body hair down there and in your armpits, your skin changes yep pimples and acne. You too develop sexual feelings to the point you might want to experiment and double click the mouse and then you begin menstruating and other vaginal discharge.

In adults we’ve searched high and low and there is little to no information on the potential causes of blowing your load while you sleep. There are some suggestions that one might not be slapping the salami enough or having the pogo stick ridden but there are no studies with evidence to support those theories. What we did come across was a lot of myths around sticky dreams which were quite entertaining to read so we thought we’d share the top 5 with our beloved readers.

Myth #1: Spontaneous sleep cum reduces a person’s immunity

Some people believe (can we cite religious groups and anti vaxxers here) that wet dreams and ejaculating, in general, can harm a person’s immune system (We feel you’re getting COVID with or without the cum). However, there is no evidence that orgasms have any negative effect on physical health. In fact, wet dreams can be a sign of healthy sexual functioning.

Myth #2: Night emissions reduce your baby batter count

Another myth is that wet dreams reduce a person’s sperm count. This is not true. The body simply makes new sperm after a person ejaculates. Neither wet dreams nor masturbation have any long-term effect on fertility, just wrist strength and chaffing.

Myth #3: Getting jacked off by a ghost is a sign of sexual frustration

Having wet dreams is not a sign that a person is not having enough sex or that they are unhappy with their sex life. Nor is tearing up a coaster in a bar for that matter.

Myth #4: Misty dreams are always erotic dreams

Wet dreams are often associated with sexual or erotic dreams. However, this is not always the case. A person can have a wet dream without dreaming about sexual activity.

Myth #4: Rubbing One out can prevent nocturnal emissions.

While some people find frequent masturbation reduces the number of wet dreams they experience, it does not guarantee a person will never experience a sticky nightmare.

Myth #5: Snoregasms will shrink your junk.

Some people believe that wet dreams reduce the size of the person’s penis. There is no scientific evidence to support this idea. No medical condition or natural occurrence can cause the penis to shrink well except for dunking your junk into a freezing cold water wherein they try to crawl back inside you.

Why do people get wet dreams after such a long time you ask? Wet dreams can happen at any time past puberty, including in adults (so basically there are no age limits). A person might have a wet dream after a long break because they had a dream that was sexually arousing. Sometimes, they might not remember their dream or know what caused it but they do know it happened. According to the smart people that spent years and years getting a degree and turning it into a doctorate, wet dreams are not cause for concern, whether they are regular or happen after a long absence.

So why is there so much shame and guilt associated with having a nocturnal emission? Like all things that are unknown there is a lot of confusion and stigma around waking up in a sea of lil love. That taboo vibe you get after making happy in your pants while you sleep goes back centuries. In fact in mediaeval Europe folklore snoregasms were caused by a succubus or incubus boning you in your sleep. For any adults having wet dreams an honest conversation with your partner may reduce your anxiety on the matter. Just remember there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

So what we’ve learnt so far in this intriguing edition of A Mind of Its Own is… Wet Dreams happen to most people and don’t necessarily stop after puberty following people throughout their lives. There is little to no research around why they happen and what causes them. For some reason there’s shame associated with making a mess in your pants while you sleep. That needs to be dealt with and talked about more often as it’s a natural thing that happens whether we like it or not. Misconceptions (Myths) are associated with Wet Dreams that have no scientific or factual basis behind them which most likely leads to the aforementioned shame and the word Snoregasm has found a place in our hearts forever.

On that note we’ll bid you a fond and friendly goodbye, wash our hands and move on to the next instalment of the blog that graces your screens infrequently these days. Much like a good book or a movie with a format that blows your mind. So until next time, enjoy yourselves, educate yourselves and most of all just be yourself…