Reason Is Treason…

Well it’s all over red rover! We are back in the office googling funny pet videos pretending to work instead of being out on road driving past, cane fields, more cane fields, cows, more cows, oh look some sheep for something different! A beach, a lake or a river! The trip has come to an end which sitting in an office all day listening to people drone on about spreadsheets, finances, sales and other crap, that is offending our minds still set in holiday mode has made us want to crawl up under the desk and cry a little. It did make us wish that A Mind of Its Own was a travel blog… OK only for a split second we take on all the things other people want to avoid and travelling is certainly not one of them.

After last week’s piece on Outrage Porn and if you didn’t read it go back and read it before you start jumping up and down going what the fuck and being morally outraged that a decent publication like ours would even talk about porn. Like so many kids have said to their parents “It’s not what you think” so just read it before you make your mind up. Getting back on track after last week’s piece we’ve been worried as to what we’ll be able to come up with this week that will be so provocative that readers will want more and more. What topic can we absolutely kill in our quirky way that seems to work for us, what can we make the third post of the year all about? Who can we offend this week without trying, as we morally outrage people who just need to be outraged about something for their week to function normally.

Well we took one look at politics and the words, “not a chance”, reverberated around the room in a continuous echo. Between Trump back at his wall building best and our own politicians coming up with hairbrained ideas the world of politics is well a little like a circus you could say. Maybe politics isn’t such a bad topic to cover after all there is always something hilarious going on or someone coming up with a stupid idea on how we can run the country just that little bit better or build a wall, start an army for space or in our case eradicate a pest problem we’ve had for years through our work for the dole scheme. Thanks Pauline you are our favourite clueless, racist, Ranga!

As we walked past Parliament House, yes the team are once again in the Nation’s capital soaking in the sun and dry heat, on another work excursion which will no doubt have a travel disaster story somewhere along the way. It got us thinking about the big playhouse on the hill. Have you ever watched Question Time on ABC? Well if you haven’t we suggest you do, try turning the volume right down and do what we do. Make up the words for them, they only argue like school children anyway, speaking over the top of each other and yelling out abuse if they don’t agree with something or someone. It’s quite hilarious even with the volume on. In a sense it is literally like watching kids on the school ground argue about which spice girl is better or whether G.I Joes are better than transformers.

If it’s not Pauline telling us how to fix the Cane Toad problem like they are cans at a recycling centre it’s old mate Scott Morrison our current PM telling us what we supposedly want to hear after his holiday on NSW central coast. Apparently old ScoMo ran into some locals who told him exactly what all Australians wanted and needed for the country to run successfully. Our question was how many schooners of Tooheys New were consumed before he found his balls and asked the yokels. We certainly weren’t asked, were you? That’s the thing we’ve always found with politicians, they are all professional liars. They’ll tell you one thing to get your vote and then either forget about it or make up a lame excuse as to why it couldn’t be done. Parliament reminds us a lot of the school yard, it’s made up of jocks, nerds, bullies and geeks the only thing they all have in common is they want power and are happy to stampede over one another to get it.

As Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker “With great power, comes great responsibility” well unlike Spiderman our politicians are anything but responsible. We’ve got Neonazi members of parliament attending rallies and throwing down white supremacy salutes, we’ve got a former fish n chip shop owner who sold her shop to people of chinese descent after claiming that we are being overrun by the chinese and should be fortifying our position. You’ve got a former farmer / deputy prime minister who got his staffer pregnant, yeah the media cried scandal as soon as they heard that news. We’ve had more politicians resign due to their dual citizenship than we have cricketers who got off the mark against India in the recent test series.

Where can we really go from here? Surely we can’t find anything else that could upset the children in the big school yard on the hill? Ah we would all be oh so very, very wrong! There was bullying in the parties and even some sexual harassment from a female member which whilst might not be that shocking to hear but it’s usually our over privileged male politicians doing the inappropriate fondling at events. There are plenty of those stories and none of them unfounded, as the MeToo campaign continues to grow around the world more and more women are speaking out against sexual harassment, misconduct, assault and workplace bullying. Suggestions a plenty flood in as to what we could be doing better in Australian Politics.

One of the first things that comes to mind would be to keep a Prime Minister for their full term regardless of sex, gender (Apparently they are two seperate things these days, the non-binary thing still confuses the hell out of us) race, age and anything else that could be considered discriminatory but instead of doing that we have party back backstabbing like we are fighting over the popular boy, girl or non-binary at school. Which results in a change of Prime Minister every 6 months or so. It’s no wonder world leaders giggle at us, points at us and laughs at the commonwealth colony that can’t get their act together while the rest of the world continues to develop.

The state of Australia’s leadership on the world state is almost as laughable as Donald and his wall. We said almost the fact that he’s still banging on about building his wall and that it will lower crime rates has us rolling around the office in fits of laughter. Drug cartels already have a way around the existing walls along the US/Mexico border and like all immovable objects there are always ways around them. Has Trumpasaurus Rex been paying attention to the tunnels dug under the border at all? We think not, what’s to stop the cartels using other methods to move their merchandise? Narco submarines, airplanes, cars, human mules. Yeah nah your wall is going to make all the difference just like your taupe and oompa loompa tan Mr Trump.

Twenty Nineteen could see yet another change in leadership of this great island nation as we head into an election early in the year. Before too long your TV screens will be flooded with scare campaigns about what will happen if you elect the Liberals or Labour, National Party, Greens, One Racist Party, sorry we mean One Nation. Scandals a plenty will grace the front pages of newspapers and the country will go into shutdown while a caretaker government moves into office until the results of the class presidency are readout to the plebs whom they govern and make decisions for. We’ve hit google several times already this week to get its advice on who we should vote for. Like a magic eight ball it pretty much told us to try again later once they received some brown paper bags from one of the parties who’ll want to come back top of the search results list.

No conspiracy theories here right? Every government acts above board and is forthcoming with each and every decision they make right? History has a habit of repeating itself and judging by the amount of dodgy dealings that have gone on throughout the years around the world we doubt that the Australian government, both current, past and future have all kept their noses clean. We know backroom deals are a done thing in politics, business and even the dark recesses of the world where shady shit is the norm. So why would we feel that electing one shady official over another was going to lead to our government being open and honest with the people it serves? Yes it is a privilege to serve the people of a nation not a right but a lot of politicians can’t see past their own ego to realise that.

They say if you have a problem with something you can either do something about or you should be quiet. Well i think the last thing the Nation needs is A Mind of Its Own running off on tangents every time there was an important decision to be made. They want to open a detention centre in the visitors centre at Uluru? And A Mind of Its Own sure build another 4 new boats for the Navy or better yet let’s create another branch of the military for space!Why should Donald have all the fun. While we are on the topic can we build a wall between us and New Zealand? There are far too many Kiwis hitting our shores every year and not returning! The Gold Coast is full of them! Deport them all we say. See what we mean? The A Mind of Its Own team getting involved in politics is not a good idea! We’ll write about it, comment about it, bitch and moan about it but not get involved for the simple fact that like the blogs name the people that write it are just as random as the content often is.

For all our Australian readers, as you head to the polling booths on the 18th of May this year, please, pretty, pretty please do your homework on who you want to run this country at least for the six months after the election. Based on trends their own party will want them out within the year as they fight amongst themselves as to who should lead Australia on the world stage or who looks better in a pair of budgie smugglers on the north shores of Sydney. We just hope who it is starts to do things important for Australia to continue growing and developing as a nation. Invest in the things that actually matter. Education, Health and Australia’s declining sporting ability should all be top of mind come Federal Budget time on the hill.

So once again we’ve skirted the edges of a topic that could well and truly be controversial, we’ve ignored all the important things and focussed on the lack of ability to govern nations and take into account the things the public really require and we’ve focussed on all the things that the politicians are well known for. In the political world it’s all sex, drugs and rock n roll as we head into the election period. As Pauline once famously said ‘I don’t like it’ which gave the nation one of the best political parody songs of the last decade. But didn’t seen to do any damage to her political career as our bigoted country folk continue to vote for her and her racist ways. Is Pauline a secret Neonazi? Does she have history with the Aryan race? Heck we could write a bunch of conspiracy theories relating to the ranga from Queensland who built her political career covered in batter and chicken salt.

Closing another chapter on a discombobulated Mind of Its Own we look at a blog that makes little to no sense and attempt to summarise into something that resembles intelligence and English. The 18th of May 2019 make sure you vote and vote for someone your values align with and you want to represent you as a world leader. Oh and remember all those sneaky little backroom deals. Just watch those if you vote for an independant, they aren’t as independent as they make out and tend to align themselves with a major party. From the team here in the Nation’s Capital hangout in the gallery above parliament waiting for the kids to come in swinging with their verbal punches at one another we bid you farewell and good tidings until the next installment of Australia’s soon to be favourite blog.

Smells Like Teen Spirit…

As the jolly fat man squeezes his way down your chimney, drinks the VB you kindly left him and smashes the plate of cookies like he’s high as a kite on some of Nimbin’s finest green. It starts to get you thinking. If Santa got pulled over, breathalysed and drug tested, christmas would be ruined. No matter how magical the man might be, there is how many people in the world these days expecting his fat arse to climb down their chimney in his Coca Cola sponsored red suit? Even if a quarter of those people left him out a beer he’d still blow well and truly over. Being forced to ask Dasher or Dancer to take the reins while he slept it off in the back. I know, I know you are all going why not Rudolph? Think about it! If Rudolph drives the sleigh how in the heck will they see what’s in front of them? The poor bastard is stuck lighting the way like a flying lighthouse.

So with Christmas done and New Years approaching this time of year is always confusing as most people have no idea what day it is or date and some even confused as to the time due to lack of sleep and changed sleeping patterns. All they know is there is still plenty of beer in the fridge, the cricket is on and mum’s salads are still in the fridge and if we are lucky enough, there is still some prawns for us to make a sanga. Across this wide brown land there is a haze hanging over towns and cities with people waking up hungover as all hell wishing they hadn’t got stuck into nan’s west coast coolers that she’s kept in the fridge for the past 3 years or dads bottle of port he got when he retired (the first time, not the last, by then they just waved him off and said see you in 6 months you crazy old coot).

It’s a new week and you know what that means! A new Mind of Its Own and another topic getting the royal treatment from the team. So this week yes we are still drunk and still full of christmas ham that will continue to be served for breakfast, lunch and dinner until the last little bit of it is gone. No part of the ham will be wasted apparently as the bone is thrown into a pot to make ham and pea soup or some kind of bone broth (It’s what happens when you live with new age hippies). With another 10kgs under our belts most of it beer and ham we thought it was about time we graced your screens once again and gave you all a little pre New Years dose of A Mind of its own as we head into what is another period of non-stop drinking and eating and talking crap to anyone who will listen around the BBQ.

This week we are taking a look at what’s happening around the grounds given most of you haven’t moved further than the several meters of all rooms in your house since knocking off work on christmas eve. You’ve no doubt starred in the mirror a few times and promised yourself to cut back on the drinking and actually do some exercise in the new year but until them it’ll be like the time at A Mind of Its Own who have all vowed to eat and drink as much as they can before having to go back to the real world in a few days time, which lets be honest no one is looking forward anywhere around Australia but as always those bills aren’t going to pay themselves and someone has to do it unfortunately.

We’ll start in our favourite city the home of the cashed up bogan, where you can see just about anything and not think it is strange well at least if you live there or frequent it often enough. The home of the plastic fantastics, the mandatory airbags, the duck lip delights and the full sleeve tattoo. Yes we are once again in the Gold Coast where the local council has made a massive cock-up over some scooters. Someone at council has got their knickers in a knot as Lime scooters move in to dominate the electric scooter market and not ask the council permission for something that is legal in Queensland anyways. Do we think someone is a little peeved that didn’t get a brown bag under a desk somewhere to smooth it over? Yeah probably or they are unhappy that it could mean fewer cars on the road? Who knows but not something that should have been on the front page of the Gold Coast Bulletin.

Continuing north we hit Brisvegas and what a city, the sweeping river and high rises adding to the panoramic views with the story bridge in the background and we’ve not only got more urine than usual in the man-made beach at Southbank but we’ve got a baby formula crisis with several Woolworth’s stores reporting that customers have finally worked out a way to rort the two tin limit by run paying running out of the store and coming back in to buy to more and rinse and repeat for several occasions. Whether or not they are then selling it on the black market to china, India or another country where access to decent baby formula is all but non-existent we’re starting to wonder why we didn’t think of this. A Mind of Its Own could have gone into the exporting business and made a motza on baby formula!!!

Heading across to Darwin the top of the news ladder there is yet another potential cyclone building north of the gulf of Carpentaria closely followed by twenty stories of croc attacks and fisherman having their catches stolen. Oh and a warning that police will be out in force this new years eve so those planning to visit Darwin’s only irish pub should behalf themselves or they could wind up on an episode of Territory Cops in 2019. Clearly there is not a lot happening in the top end. Their tourism marketing campaign has clearly upset the sensibilities of way too many people. What’s wrong with CUin the NT?

Following the coast we make our way to Australia’s most western city where the major news bulletins are all talking about old mate Bob Hawke’s poor health. We’ll he is getting on so it’s not a surprise but we do feel for you Bobby and are sending you our best wishes! Surprisingly it’s not a crocodile closing down the beaches of but yet another shark sighting at the iconic Scarborough beach closing all the beach along that stretch of coast. And in some news that we can all be proud of and finally take some interest in a twenty something Perthian discusses how having a craft beer overseas helped him make a career out of brewing beer.

Leaving the sunny scenes of Perth behind we hop on over to Adelaide, who are somewhat stuck in 1955 and it wouldn’t surprise anyone if the front page of the local paper was discussing how they’ve just got radio or CD’s or even better dial-up internet! Sadly as stuck in time as the city may seem top of their news announcements was the sad death of a Nepalese carer who was found by water police ending a 17 hour search for the man. We feel for the man’s family and pass on our deepest condolences. Leaving Adelaide on a more sombre note the barossa valley is primed for a spike in wine sales over the coming days as holiday makers stock up for new years.

Over to what some people will call the cultural hub of Australia the once touted site of what was to be Australia’s capital city losing out to the leafy suburbs of Canberra we are in Melbourne where Australia are once again putting on a poor display in the cricket, the crowd are stocking up on sandpaper at the local bunnings in the hopes that some tampering might improve performances out in the middle of the MCG. New Years seems to be a hot ticket in the press with Melbourne’s fireworks event said to be a world’s first as they spread out the launching barges in the Yarra over 7.5 Kilometres.

Crossing over the Bass Straight to the only state where your new-born child doesn’t have to identify with a sex. We’ve reach Tasmania our third last stop around the country to bring you the news headlines. With the thrill of the Sydney to Hobart now over, the only other thing Tasmania’s really have to talk about is their production of fine foods and craft spirits, which seems to be the top headlines over on the Hobart Mercury website and it would seem the Sydney to Hobart is not over with some pompous rich guy lodging a complaint over something because he didn’t win… Clearly not a lot happening down south unless you are into yachting and fine foods.

Into the nation’s capital we go where we are for once not looking for multi-million dollar statues shaped like penis’s of steel girders stuck in the ground to represent grass. In what is shaping up to be one of the bigger news stories to watch over the coming months it seems that our nation’s capitals residence more commonly referred to as Canberrans are divided. We’d like to say for the first time but when you live in a city run by government and frequented by politicians as they head up to the hill for another session of parliament it’s no surprise that Canberrans can’t decide whether they are for the use of personal drones or against them over the skies of Canberra. Clearly a slow news week in Canberra without the politicians making an arse of themselves.

We’ve reached the last stop on our good news tour of the country. We’ve sailed in through the heads to botany bay and have pulled up to circular quay in order to find out what’s happening in the city of Sydney. It’s all about the roads, they are melting and sweltering in Sydney heatwave with no end in sight past new years eve. The beaches are full to the brim as people from the western suburbs make their way to the coast for some much-needed cooling off and air conditioners are pumping away in the homes of those that can’t be bothered. A weather warning has gone out to the sick and elderly to ensure they find some cool shelter and kids shouldn’t be on the melting tar at any point in time without shoes. It’s put a stop to a lot of local street cricket matches as pimply little Kyle from next door complains of ball tampering as the Slazenger picks up tar and rock on it’s way down the pitch.

With another one down before the new year we hope you’ve all caught up on the important news from around the country and more importantly your city. We wish you all a safe and very happy new years and as always eat, drink and be merry and if you don’t want to be merry just be yourself. Sadly this will be our last post this year as we are taking a few days out to ourselves, which are much need! That said enough for the year and see you in 2019 were we’ll come back bigger and badder than ever. Ok Peace out!