Tag: humerous

Nocturnal Creatures…

We wondered how and if we were going to be able to top a preppers guide to the Apocalypse in which we graced your screens with a couple of weeks ago and the boffins in the idea factory have managed to do just that. They’ve come up with an idea for a blog that will have you sitting up and paying attention for months to come. Well at least till the event starts then your rapt attention may start to wane. As we enter into the second month of the year it’s we’ve seen plenty of changes to the environment and the landscapes around us. We’ve seen people go and people come from the world but we’ve continued writing and will continue to pump out the blogs one by one until we fall over in decades to come. But let’s be real with technology we could be posting things from the grave, now that’s a scary thought and we’ve shared plenty of them with you. Heck we talked about the apocalypse last post and a week later people were getting a virus from Mexico’s favourite beer.

So as we do every week the great people here at A Mind Of Its Own have put together yet another great time waster for you to read on the train home or whilst on the toilet at work killing some time out of your super busy day. Wherever you read us from doesn’t matter as long as it’s not whilst driving or operating heavy machinery and more importantly that you enjoy reading it. But you must because you keep coming back each week to see what zany ideas the boffins have come up with in the basement for us to write about. That being said we’ll crack on and get into this week’s piece, as always feel free to leave a comment in the comments section. Yes even if it’s mean, we love criticism but don’t be surprised if we call into question your IQ.

It’s a big year for athletes around the world, another year, the final year, in the Olympic cycle (every 4 years for those that didn’t pay attention in primary school) where they get the opportunity to take home a gold, silver or bronze and if they don’t take home one of those they’ve always got the memories of representing their nation on the world stage. As always you know we’ll be there to give you the in’s and outs, the news and just like the Commonwealth Games a review of sports and who to watch out for in Tokyo. There was something that caught our eye even before the first athletes had marched into the stadium for the opening ceremony which we believe will be on Saturday the 25th of July for those wondering at home when the games were (24th of July to the 9th of August). It was something that gave us a good chuckle but also got us thinking once again about practicality. Before we knew it our minds had made their way to the proverbial gutter.

Having spent time around athletes particularly those who have participated at the elite level and in a couple of cases walked away with a gold medal or two, it was interesting to get an insight into the shenanigans that come along after the pressures of competing on the big stage are over. What happens when you put athletes of the opposite sex in a little village and pile on years of pressure to compete on the world stage in one event. Well lets just say when it’s all said and done they like to let their hair down a little, some more than others. In some cases a lot, that four year cycle of non-stop training, living, eating and breathing their sport needs to be vented, after all as much we might idolise them and put them on a pedestal from time to time they are only human.

So whilst flicking through the Socials, as most people have become accustomed to on a daily basis, the other day we came across a piece on Tokyo 2020 more specifically it was focused on how environmental the games were going to be in particular the recyclable beds being installed in the athlete village. It did get us thinking about some of the stories and statistics we had read over the years about other Olympics, you know the one that happens after the actual Olympics. While everyone will be going for gold the spirit behind this year’s games is Green with the environment being front of mind for the organisers. Speaking of those going for gold, they will be sorely disappointed to find out that should they win their event they’ll be wearing a recycled phone around their necks. Fingers crossed for the latest smartphone medal winners. We did say the games were going Green. Further to the recycled phones as medals, the athletes beds are made out of cardboard, yeah that’s right the bases of the beds our elite athletes are sleeping on are made out of recycled cardboard.

We couldn’t be happier that the games are going Green, the more environmentally friendly we are in all aspects of life, the better in the eyes of this here blog. Cardboard bed frames however come into question as we are putting the sporting hopes and dreams of a nation, to rest on them each night they spend in the athlete village. Rest assured ladies and gentlemen the good folks at Airweave, the company that are producing the 18,000 beds of the athletes village have tested and then tested them again. Furthermore they can hold up to 200kg and have been certified sex proof. So unless athletes are planning an orgy of sorts the beds will comfortably hold 2 to 3 people or maybe up to 4 gymnasts they seem to not weigh a lot. Either way athletes can still go for gold between the sheets. But there are no prizes for coming first.

Come the end of the games the beds will be turned into paper products and the mattress yes even the mattresses are going to be recycled into plastic products. The fact that they come in three separate pieces so the athletes can adjust how firm or un-firm they want their sleep. It might not be such a bad thing after the unspeakable things some of the beds throughout Olympic games history have had to endure. So perhaps being Eco friendly is also a good way to destroy any long lasting memories for some of the athletes who don’t want a reminder of their post event celebrations with Ivan the weightlifter or Anna the Scottish boxer.

When the events are done and the athletes can finally relax, the question on everyone’s mind now that we’ve established you can have have sex on a cardboard bed and the homeless community will tell you that you most definitely can have sex on a piece of cardboard. That question is how many athletes end up having to go to the doctor when they get home because they’ve picked something up from someone in the village. And if it wasn’t the question on your mind it should have been! The Olympic games are renowned for the sex romps that go on after the events. If you look at the statistics of condoms handed out at RIO there were 450,000 that’s a whooping average of 42 per athlete. We don’t know about you but that’s a lot sex in a short period of time. Either that or they are using them to start the next world water war. Then again that wouldn’t be very green of our athletes would it wasting all that water and condoms. It seems like each Olympics the stakes are raised in the opportunity to catch a sexually transmitted infection, either that or athletes have control issues once the events are done.

If you look at the trend year on year the amount of condoms handed out at the games has gone up and up. Just last year at the Pyongyang Winter Olympics the usage of Tinder went up 350% during the games resulting in 110,000 condoms being handed out, which still isn’t the highest amount in the history of the Olympics but ranks up there in terms of Winter Olympics to date. We know the Japanese don’t do things half arsed and when it comes to protecting yourself in the bedroom they’ve come up with a few high tech options that include traditional Japanese artwork because every man likes to look at a condom before sticking it on the old fella and admiring the artwork now emblazoning his penis. The number of condoms to be handed out is still to be decided but the likelihood is they’ll lean towards a similar number as the London Olympics. Around 150,000 for those that like to play with facts and figures.

What are these high tech options you’re asking? They aren’t actually that high tech in fact they were pretty boring, perhaps pleasurable, but rather boring compared to where our minds went. Thoughts of talking, robot condoms that give you tips on how to spice it up or release heat or cooling or at least something cool filled our minds. Nope this is as high tech as they get, the ultra-thin 0.01mm condom. In addition to its barely there construction, these Japanese condoms are made of polyurethane, a material suitable for people allergic to latex that is standard in the construction of many condoms. OK so they are good for people allergic to latex but being thin doesn’t make them hi-tec it just makes it feel more like skin on skin. The one thing we do know is there will be plenty of athletes to ask post Tokyo 2020.

We’ll save our review of the games for later in the year but there are 33 different sports both individual and team based across 339 events (50 Disciplines) from roughly 206 countries. Is it just us or is that a lot of male and females congregating in the one area for a couple of weeks while emotions, hormones and everything else is running high? Yeah it’s no wonder they want a release after all the years of blood, sweat and tears to be in a position to represent their country on the world stage. After all they are human like the rest of us, despite the fact place them up on that pedestal. So yeah things could and probably will get a little freaky after the games for some athletes at least they will have 40 something condoms and yes they are handing out female condoms as well to protect themselves with. Some of them will even have pretty Japanese art on them according to the games organisers.

In summary Tokyo sounds like fun if you’re into sleeping on cardboard bed frames your mattress is also able to be recycled, your medal if you win one isn’t actually a medal but rather a phone that’s been recycled and you want to risk getting the Coronavirus. Well there will no doubt be a few athletes suffering from beer inflicted ailments after they finish competing but the risk of contracting the Coronavirus is slim to none unless they decide to take a quick trip to Wuhan in China and kiss a few people. So it’s safe to say that the athletes will be well protected in Tokyo just potentially a little uncomfortable as they become nocturnal creatures between the sheets.

For now we’ll leave you thinking about the beds, the dingers and pending pinnacle of sport that will grace our screens in the middle of the year. We’ll be rooting for the green and gold just not in the same way some of the athletes will be in the village. There’ll be plenty of updates and no doubt some reviews of the stars to watch. Until then there’ll be a couple of blogs about this and that as we done. Enjoy your week amigos!

Another One Bites The Dust…

This week on A Mind of Its Own we head out on the road once again to the Nation’s capital. In the midst of a looming election battle we check out ground zero for the biggest school yard fight in the country. Sitting a top of hill parliament house preschool is home to some of the nation’s biggest babies, bullies and bellends. There petty little squabble for leader of the playground is now playing out on every TV station around the nation. Tit for tat they bad mouth one another while making promises to they’ll never keep or be able to keep if they win the keys to the monkey bars. With a date set for the big class vote of the 18th of May the battle lines have been drawn the polls are in place and we head for yet another prime minister in what that last 12 months. We go through them faster than a six pack of tinnies on a warm day.

Already pretty angry as we watch the the boss and his wife go through a separation we’ve noticed a couple of things that have got our back up and made us think no wonder. Whilst separating from someone you love can always be difficult and in a lot of ways painful that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick and create additional angst. The more angst you create the harder it’ll make it. But really had our back up was observations made while out watching the bossman drown his sorrows in top shelf whisky, wine and inane conversation with anyone who would listen to his tale of woe is me. Listen to him carry on you’d think the poor bloke was losing a leg or no longer able to see. Ok so we might be over exaggerating but when you have four days of solid drinking and begin thinking that you are now an expert on relationships and marriage you need to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror.

One also needs to take a good hard look at their bank balance and question some of the choices made while drinking spirits. The drams of Macallan for a $100 each were probably not the wisest choice but savouring the warmth as it hits the back of your throat and rolls its way into your intestinal tract is a brief reminder that pain heals, chicks dig scars and glory lasts forever? Maybe it’s just the warmth touching you for the briefest of seconds or maybe it’s the numbing of the mind for several hours of inebriation that you’ve engaged yourself in only to wake up and feel the weight of the world once again on your shoulders dragging you back to earth. Showing you yet another hurdle that’s thrown up in life’s journey to teach you lessons. They say everything happens for a reason and there is a huge group of people out there that will tell you it’s true. Learn from the lessons that life teaches as it throws you a curve ball or two throughout your time on this here planet.

Now onto the observations made while in a state of constant inebriation for the past weeks, days and we make no apologies for it. While the corporate card is out and the drinks are flowing there are plenty of seagulls like us to help the boss lick his wounds. That was one of the first observations we made and many will agree with us we are certain, as they all have at least one of these mates we’ll call them the seagulls. They are the person who will always want a beer but never seems to be around when it’s there turn to shout. Always the old “aww did I miss it sorry I’ll get the next one” only to once again houdini there way out of yet another round. They are the seagull mate we all have floating in our lives somewhere and no matter how many times you sit down with them and have the chat with they never seem to change. Their tight fisted ways will continue throughout your days as friends.

One of the biggest observations we made was around the young peacock males that congregate around bars and clubs in the hopes of finding a mate. Or as heard one flannette clad young man who looked like he’d just walked off the set of houso’s say “Keen to cop a root tonight”. There is a reason we have the #metoo movement and a lot of these young men aren’t doing the rest of the male population any favours with their behaviour. Ever wondered why women feel abused and objectified by men? Just spend an hour in a bar or a club and watch the way these young cowboys interact and treat women. It’s almost like a sense of entitlement washes over them with each sip of their beer or overpriced vodka, lime and soda. As they strut their wares only to find anger when they are turned down by attractive females who lets be honest are most likely way out of their league, they morph once again into a hurt child and begin slinging names around the bar like it’s their god given right for a woman to talk to them and go home to bed with them.

Watching the boss transform into the hulk and telling them to have some respect or he was going and we quote “Knock some respect and common sense into them” whilst was quite funny for us to see and got a couple of claps and thank yous from people in the bar. Not someone to often speak up when in public we asked him why he said something he’s response was both measured and to the point. As someone who is going through a separation watching other men conduct and display themselves in such disrespectful behaviour was both angering and disappointing. Women don’t deserve to be treated that way ever, there is no excuse for calling someone a slut for walking away from you ever. In fact walking away from you and your poor behavior is the correct response. Why would a woman go for someone who’s initial reaction is to call them a slut when all they’ve done is politely declined your advances on several occasions.

Why is it when you give a young male a drink he feels he is entitled to say and do whatever he likes. A sip of dutch courage flowing through the blood stream allows males to be pure arseholes to any and everyone. We were young once however our parents taught us to respect women, hell they taught us to respect everyone and the age old adage of treat others how you want to be treated has always been a solid base for us. Yes there are always going to be people who don’t like you or respect you but that is life. You just need to get on with it and ensure you continue to stay true to yourself and your values. Good manners cost nothing, being a good person also costs you nothing and having respect for others should just be a given. Women should be able to go out to a bar and have a drink with their mates without being harassed by testosterone filled, ego inflated, boneheads who have a sense of entitlement only rivaled by those fed with silver spoons all their lives.

Women on the other hand just tend to lose there common sense and forget to dress for the weather. Far too often we see young ladies wearing far too little clothing for the weather they are in, Canberra for example besides being full of politicians, porn salesmen and meat head footballers starts to get cold around this time of year. So when we say dress for the weather a little dress and no jacket is not appropriate unless your intention is to catch a cold and watch it develop into full blown pneumonia. You can still look hot, gorgeous, attractive or as the kids say “on point” and still be fashionably warm. You might look fashionable but we can can guarantee you’ll be regretting it as you lie in your lovely hospital gown connected to a drip of antibiotics so they can course through your veins to fight off the infection attacking your lungs all because you chose fashion over function. Fathers all over Canberra have no doubt been shaking their heads for years and asking their daughters if they are really wearing that, before stepping out of the house and ignoring dads wishes for them to at least take a jacket.

Our other observation made was that if you are going through something that is life changing you won’t find the answer at the bottom of an expensive whisky glass or bottle for that matter. Whilst it might numb your pain for several hours, days or months. At some point you are going to have to deal with it all. Like ripping off a band aid it is often better to just get it over with and deal with it all rather than delaying it and numbing yourself to the world and pain. However that being said we all deal with things differently and certainly have to respect our own process for dealing with our emotions, thoughts and feelings. As we’ve stated a few times throughout the A Mind of Its Own journey it’s ok to ask for help even if its just to have someone sit and listen to us and let us get those tears out. After all tears clear the windows that guard the soul.

Whilst it’s fun at the time their are better things you can expend your energy on, that being said if you need to blow off some steam and it’s an outlet by all means have at it hoss. Just remember it’s not a long term solution unless you fancy your liver packing it in early and killing what brain cells with hadn’t already drowned. While your body and brain are screaming at the genocide being carried out by you on their inhabitants, your heart is breaking over and over again like a tape stuck on loop in your old walkman. As much as numbing it all feels good you’ll no doubt hate yourself for it in the weeks and months to come. You are going to go through pain in your life and unfortunately there is no manual for your life. We are individuals and as individuals we are all very different in the lives we lead the journeys we will go on. All the self helps books in the world will not prepare you for everything life throws at you.

Until next week we bid you another fond farewell and will remind you that in times of need it’s ok to reach out and ask for help rather than reaching out of the closest bottle to give you answers. Unless you are looking for a message in a bottle the only thing you’ll find is a hangover and some drunken memories once the fog of drunk lifts over time. You’ll forever be trying to piece together the moments you lost. We’re here to listen to anyone who needs and provide advice when it’s asked for. Or to just continue doing what we do best and writing killer blogs week in week out for you to lose yourself in. So as we close the book on what is one of the more random blogs we have written we start to wonder what the future holds and where we’ll be through it all. But for now live in the present and make the most of the writing to help our friends and family.

Into The Abyss…

The world we live in is often strange and perplexing particularly when it comes to people’s points of view or theories. As we’ve mentioned before, Ideas are like arseholes, everyone has one. Ask anyone in the world and they will tell you there is no shortage of myths, legends and conspiracy theories. The team have even attempted to tackle one or two of them in the past like when we tried to raise the roof off the house that is the anti vaccination movement. Like the anti-vaxxer movement there are several conspiracy theories that have come to light in recent times that grow support from the strangest of places and often perplex everyday people as to how or why people could think such a thing.

Unlike the Anti Vaccination movement however this weeks subject to sit in the Mind of Its Own interrogation chair and the cop waterboarding treatment (We never signed up to the Geneva convention) does not really have a leg to stand on. It’s amazing how and again why this theory has managed to develop such a following particularly with today’s technology and our knowledge of the earth. As we sat watching a documentary on the topic thinking what the fork are these people on about and how haven’t they been committed to the closest mental health facility yet. It began to pique our interest as to how they’d originally been introduced to the topic themselves and how there believe had grown to what it is today.

Going through school you are taught one plus one equals two, you breath oxygen because without it we’d die and the earth is the only inhabited planet in our solar system that we currently know of. What if everything you have ever been taught is a lie? What if the Earth isn’t real and all of this is just some giant machine that we are a part of? What if we are all just plugged into the matrix and were never to be given the choice between the blue or the red pill? We’ll if you believe that this week’s topic is true, which we are about to  pull it apart like a Bakers Delight six share loaf at smoko, then you are pretty much of the opinion that everything you have been taught, everything you know is one big fat lie. To this day you are being lied to about any and everything in what would be the world’s greatest conspiracy since religion was born. Sorry to all our religious friends out there but with Cardinal Pell being done for kiddy fiddling we are of the opinion that the catholic church is full of seedy old men who like to get their jollies by touching little kids and it makes us sick!

We don’t know about you, but at school we were taught the earth is round and rotates on an axis, we have a north pole and south pole. The earth is divided into a northern and a southern hemisphere and we rotate around the sun in what gives us a calendar year (365 days). We have gravity, it affects the tides and brings meaning to the saying ‘what goes up, must come down’. Outside of Earth there is space, within that space are other planets, stars, suns, moons, galaxies and countless other civilisations no doubt that we are yet to discover or don’t want us to discover them for fear we’ll ruin their planet just like we are ours. So going back to the theory of what if it was all just one big lie, what if none of what we know is true, what if it was all made up as part of the largest conspiracy theory to span the globe. Every government in the world is in on it like a massive April’s fools joke waiting to punch you in arm and scream April fools as they jump out from behind the curtains in your mother’s living room.

If you are a Flat Earther then as far as you’re concerned a lot of the things you have been taught are a lie. The earth is not round, it’s flat like a disc and the north and south pole well they are just part a massive ringed wall of ice that hems in the world. Those ice walls rise up to the sky in an effort to keep us in or to keep people out? Either way we aren’t too sure how this theory even grew legs in the modern era given the scientific breakthroughs and discoveries over the last century. Does that mean we live in a dome? Like the Truman show we are all just wandering around on a giant film set with no idea on what is actually happening around us or that everything is fake and giant lie. According to flat earthers this is exactly what is happening to all of us on a global scale. We puppets or pieces in a giant game where we have little to no say in how our lives are governed and what we are taught. Sounds a lot like living in Australia or America in 2019 where we are governed by Oompa-Loompas and balding fat old men.

We’re sorry but in what world other than George Orwell’s 1984, would every government come together to create such a glorious lie. We can’t even agree on global warming so i’m not sure how on earth they could continue to cover up that the earth is flat and not round. We’ve fought wars over religion, over resources and over peoples rights but it’s all just a big lie according to our Flat Earth Friends. The moon landing, putting astronauts and cosmonauts in space, building an international space station, sending probes off into the far reaches of the galaxy and satellites that take photos of the earth and surrounding planets. Telescopes that allow us to see into the vast distance of space. Need we say more about the technology and large well funded organisations involved in proving that the Earth is indeed round and not flat? Or is that all fake too? Just another part of the real life Truman show we all live in?

But if you ask a Flat Earther and yes that’s what they call themselves in what we, here believe is the dumbest conspiracy theory to ever gain notoriety, they’ll give you an answer to every question you have around the topic and why it is true. They’ll even tell you that scientists are stumped by some of the hypothesis and theories they have brought to light in proving that the earth is flat and yet the academics & scientists can’t use their beloved science to prove the Flat Earth theory is incorrect. One particular scene in the Netflix documentary titled Behind the Curve it shows Youtuber and leader of the Flat Earth movement Mark Sargent (He’s a conspiracy theory nut from way back, a true middle american) looking out across a lake at Toronto or some city (We can’t remember as it was at this point we started questioning the sanity of these people) claiming that if the earth was round he shouldn’t be able to see it but because it’s flat he can see the city in the distance across the flat lake. Yeah good one Mark you’ve made us believers….pause…Not!

Apparently it’s a no brainer, the earth is flat, gravity doesn’t exist and the next thing they’ll be telling us is that space doesn’t exist that’s just the pretty lights of the dome, that would make shooting stars falling light globes and global warming is only happening because the giant air conditioner is broken. Stuck on heat mode it’s melting the ice walls of the dome causing sea levels to rise and weird weather patterns, until the governments of the world can stop bickering over who has the better haircut and send the repairmen up there and fix it. Once that’s done global warming will disappear altogether, they can pull the giant bath plug and let out some of the sea water out so that water recedes to an acceptable level. From their we’ll all go back to continuing the giant lie that the earth is round, covering up the fact the earth is flat not round as we’ve all been lead to believe for our entire lives.

In a disturbing turn of events it seems there is actually a fake space movement, we haven’t looked into it or done any research as we are still trying to wrap our head around the old world theory that explorers will sail right off the edge of the earth as it’s flat. From what we have seen though on twitter and youtube again follows the vein of global conspiracy that we are all being lied to. Wait till flat earth and fake space societies team up and create the we’ve been lied to all our lives society and nothing is real. What we can’t understand is that if the earth is indeed flat does that mean that science is also a fallacy and everything we’ve discovered and know is also a lie. Are we even sitting here typing out this blog for you right. All our combined years on the planet and we still have people whose belief systems aren’t based on sound or measured data that can actually prove their theories. At one point in the documentary they dispelled there own theory through one of their experiments which went down like the Hindenburg in a ball of flames.

What we really struggle to understand is the proof or lack thereof that can prove their theory of a flat earth. Just because we tell you that this is the best blog you will ever read does that make it true? No to prove that you would go and read other blogs before coming back and telling us we were right. You will search for proof, for answers, for data for something measurable against our claim to prove or disprove it. Trust us though we are a great blog. The main claim of the Flat Earth society focuses on the premise that we are and have been lied to by our governments, by NASA, historians, scientists, the list goes on of people throughout history who have lied or helped to continue to cover up that the earth is flat. We are still searching for any data that can prove their theories or that there is a major global cover up underway.

The idea that what we are being told, taught, passed on over generations is a giant lie and that we only believe it to be true because that’s what we know or have been told is a similar argument our good friends at the Anti Vaccination movement also tried to tell us. You know what there is some truth in it. You shouldn’t believe everything you read but you should also do your research thoroughly. It would also help if you have some credible scientist, scholars and spokespeople to help with your cause.  We are yet to see one Flat Earther take a film crew and sail completely around the edge of our supposedly flat earth, documenting either the drop off into the abyss or the giant ice walls that ring us in. But apparently they’ve already supplied us with enough proof that the earth is indeed flat and domed in shape kind of like a giant snow globe just waiting for someone to come along and shake it.

Watching Mark Sargent throw tiny globes into a trash can stating that they are no longer needed and we should be teaching our children about a flat earth, a truthful earth made the team want to go out and find tiny flat earth discs and throw them off the edge of the planet along with Mr Sargent and is band of followers. As he sat there talking about how flight paths of aircraft prove that the earth is flat and not round as they don’t fly curved paths on the computer screen in front of him it dawned on us that this guy was a little from than just nuts. Looking into him a little more we discovered that he is a true conspiracy theorist from Area 51 to 9/11 even so far to say there was a secret government city under the Denver airport. Mark unless the flight paths are in 3D you aren’t going to see the curvature on your screen mate, what you are looking at is a two dimensional image. It’s true people do really listen to and follow morons!.

People put the crack pipe down, stop taking the crazy pills and most importantly wake the hell up. We had a few other choice words in their that we thought were better left out incase any of our younger subscribers were reading this. The earth is most definitely not flat, gravity does indeed exist, beyond the earth is space and we are certainly not alone there has to be other civilizations more advanced than our own who also know the earth is not flat. Oh but you believe in aliens just not that the earth is round, good one Flat Earthers! Out of all the conspiracy theories in the world what on earth would make people think that it’s flat. Is it the lack of mountains, the lack of round appearance as you look at the sky or the pictures taken from space? Whatever it is this is one theory the team can’t even open their minds to. Science and its discoveries have given us a lot over the last couple of hundred years. When Christopher Columbus didn’t sail off the end of the earth we thought the flat earth theory was dead but no it’s sadly lives on in the hearts and minds of people all around the world.

As always we advocate the right to believing whatever you choose, freedom of speech, expression of ideas, theories and hypothesis, we just aren’t on board with the theory that the earth is flat and there is one giant global cover up going on to stop us all from finding out the truth about the earth. If you believe in a flat earth we are happy for you and your 1800’s views just please do us a favour and at least come up with some measurable data to prove so. Until next week ladies and gentlemen, look to the stars for they hold the answers and don’t be afraid to go boldly where no man or woman has gone before. From the team here we wish well and we’ll be gracing your screens once again next week with another installment of A Mind of Its Own…

Cheating At Solitaire…

We’ve been at this for close to sixty posts now and we’ve tackled a lot of good things over our time bringing you A Mind of Its Own so far but we made a promise to ourselves and to our fan base that 2019 was going to be a big year in the blogosphere for us. We’ve got a few things happening in the background that will hopefully take us to the next level and we are looking forward to expanding our reach across social media and various other forms of media. When this blog was first started it was started as a way for its founder to help combat his anxiety and depression. For months blog post after blog post, just sat idle on his laptop waiting for him to find the courage to put it out there in the ether for people to read.

It was about this time last year that courage started growing like a wildfire and the idea of A Mind Of Its Own was born. The premise being that no topic was too big or too small to be tackled and each piece could in fact take on a mind of its own. Since then our writing has grown and we’ve begun to develop our own style, own views and most importantly our own confidence that no matter what the topic people will read it and whether they like it or not is of no importance to us. We write because we can, we write because we want to and most of all we write because if we don’t who it going to tackle the topics that people really want to hear about? Life is a lot bigger and better when it takes on a mind of its own.

So without further delay we launch into this weeks blog, masterpiece, comedy session and advice column, editorial and puff piece all rolled into one. With a lot happening in the world we thought we’d take a look at the months to come. It’s that time of the year where we can pack away the cricket gear, not that it was out much this year given the way the Australian team performed over the summer at home. They may as well of done some ball tampering it might have improved their performance. The big bash final concluded on the weekend and unless you are from Victoria no one really cared when the final was between to Melbourne sides. The soccer is all but done no idea who won this years who cares cup in either the mens or the women’s, while the Women’s AFL is underway and Carlton have finally won a game after 12 months.

We are in the lead up to football season here in Australia and the team here are hanging out to see the mighty Swans kick off their 2019 campaign. We’ve lost a few favourites but picked up some guns to try to fill their shoes while hanging on to our bigger guns which should see us in top four contention for yet another season in a row. The NRL will be underway with no doubt plenty of scandals for 2019 surely we will see some home videos of animals being harassed, cocaine being snorted, ladies being harassed, sex scandals galore along with public defecation and no doubt other acts of indecencies from men with IQ’s lower than elite golfers handicaps. Then there’s the Rugby Union, the private school boys who have brought out every pair of Chinos and cotton shirts they can find before running around on the weekend shoving their heads up the bums of their teammates in what is better known as a scrum.

If that’s not enough sport for you then the Yanks have the silly men skating around on ice, several Aussies shooting hoops in the NBA and baseball season is about to kick off. What we are really looking forward to is the Pro Kabaddi league in India. If you haven’t seen a game of Kabaddi we recommend you google it and get on board. It’s like tackle british bulldog but for grown men and women. Oh and how could we forget the lingerie football league or for the ladies the topless summer league. There’ll be finals and playoffs around the world in all forms of sport and we almost forgot our favourite sport, netball will once again grace our screens on free to air tv. With so much to watch the DVR will be running hot to ensure we don’t miss a minute.

Which finally brings us to amateur sport in the great land down under. We’ll see children, men and women from all walks of life gracing local ovals, courts, fields, tracks and whatever else in their attempts to seek glory in their chosen sporting field. Heck even the grumpy old man in the office here is strapping on the shinnies and having another run around with the Kingscliff stingers in an attempt to go back to back in the Gold Coast stickball league (Field Hockey) he’ll no doubt pull up sore and have some issues with his back and hamstrings but he has assured us that this is the last stand for him in the top grade before retiring down the grades and helping to bring the youth through.

With that said we thought we’d give you a quick overview of teams to watch throughout winter 2019. That being said we’ll start with the women:

Brisbane Firebirds – Netball

If you believe everything you read the Lorna Jane (Yep shameless sponsorship plug there) Firebirds are the most successful elite netball side in Australian history with five grand final appearances and three championship wins over the last eight years. With former Sydney Swan Kurt Tippet’s sister Gretel leading the charge in the front half of the court the diamonds goal attack has been in fine form for the last couple of seasons. Back up by her good mate Gabbi Simpsons the Firebirds will be looking to make their way to the big dance once again.

North Melbourne – AFL Womens

One of the two new kids on the block in the women’s AFL the Shinboners known for booting their opponents in the shins have hit the ground running and are currently three from three in their inaugural AFLW season. Picking up big names like Hope and Ashmore from established clubs the Kangas have been exciting to watch so far this season. Former Hockeyroo Georgia Nanscawen or how ever you say it, the aussie ranga has followed Collingwood big gun Georgie Parker in defecting from stick and ball and found herself a home at the Kangas. Make sure you watch Kaitlyn Ashmore the 27-year-old has impressed in her previous seasons at the Brisbane Lions.

Sydney Swans – AFL

The bloods have been impressive over the last two seasons with Captain Josh Kennedy leading from the front. Big Buddy Franklin has provided a target up front and the swans midfield is one of the best in the league with the likes of Kennedy, Heeney and Parker providing pace and experience. Add in McVeigh who seems to only get be better with age and the pace of Zak Jones the Swans have recruited well over the past couple of season with the likes of Ronke, Papley and Hayward showing their worth in 2018, the swans picked up a few new faces for 2019 who will no doubt be keen to show their value and commitment to the club.

Canberra Raiders – NRL

This year we are thinking it’s time to hang up the blue and yellow of Parramatta and jump ship to the Canberra Raiders who are due a top four spot after recent years of coming so close. Secretly we’ll still be praying that the Eels find some form or half their players get released from jail in time for kickoff but we won’t be holding our breath so come on the green machine. Does Laurie Daley still play for them? What about that Croker guy? Do we know one single player, probably not we just looked at the ladder for the past couple of years and knew we were on to a winner,. $100 on green for a top four finishing? The odds are pretty good in our favour.

Waratahs – Super Rugby

With one of the best lineups of Australian Rugby talent the Tahs are a serious contender for the Championship yet again in 2019. To rattle off a few Hooper, Foley. Kefu, Hunt, Falou, Staniforth, Beale and Ashley-Cooper sounds more like a Wallabies lineup than a Super Rugby side. With plenty of speed and talent these movers and shakers are keen for a big 2019 Super Rugby season. We’ll certainly be pulling on our Tahs jerseys in support of the boys from Sydney as they attempt to bring the trophy back to Australia and instill some faith in the union supporters community. Like our cricketers our Wallabies haven’t been doing to well in recent times.

Las Vegas Golden Knights – AHL

The new kids on the block had a stellar first season in as they chased Stanley Cup glory only faltering in playoff games to miss a ticket to the dance. Not since the Edmonton Oilers and Harford Whalers in the 1979-80 season and a team clinched a playoff berth in their inaugural season in the league. Continuing their run of good form the Knights from Vegas set several records on their way to the big dance. Unfortunately they fell short in the Stanley Cup playoffs to a polished Washington Capitals outfit. Seeking out their first cup the desert dwellers are keen to hit the ice in 2019 and show they are serious contenders for the cup.

Kingscliff Stingers – Gold Coast Hockey League

Rounding out our teams to watch in the winter of 2019 the beach boys from across the NSW border have a point to prove in 2019 as they attempt to go back to back after taking out last year’s premiership against a tough Labrador outfit. While the team has gone through some changes in the off-season. They return with almost a full compliment from the 2018 final, including a few new names to the roster and the stepping down of several key players from the top grade. Making way for youth is a priority for the club and head coach from olympic gold medalist Nathan Egglington, who made his return to the club last season after spending years in Western Australia in the Australian set up as both a player and coach after retiring from international duties. 2019 is set to be a big season for the green and black.

So with plenty of sport happening over the next 6 months there is no reason to get bored. We’ll keep you updated throughout the months and weeks as we watch teams chase glory on their chosen stage. We’ll also watch the angry old man in the office come in on a Monday morning whining about how sore he is from the weekend’s game. We certainly know one thing, we’ll have plenty of sport on the idiot box to keep us occupied over the coming months and with sport comes a few frothies and some time with mates at the pub. Whatever your poison when it comes to sport, support your team loud and support your team proud.

The the team here at A Mind of Its Own wishes you happy viewing and an amazing winter, rug up and stay warm if you’re south of the Sydney and for all us coastal kids we’ll make sure we enjoy the sun for you when it comes out and about to say hello. Until next week we bid you a fond farewell and hope you’ve enjoyed another installment of the blog to kill all blogs. We’ll leave you with this little piece of food for thought. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

A Decade Under the Influence…

Of all the asinine things in the world we’d have to say we’ve hit the mother load this week as we head into another chapter of A Mind of Its Own. Just when we thought the world couldn’t surprise us anymore, just when we thought we were slowly starting to get on some stable footing and just when we thought there’d be some good news to come across our desks. The world flips us on our head and pushes us into a deep, dark pit of despair once again. Why you ask? Because for people who are meant to be at the top of the food chain we do some very stupid things. Things that often leave us scratching our heads and asking whiskey, tango, foxtrot (WTF)? And if you don’t know what that means we aren’t going to spell it out for you this is a safe environment that tries not to offend readers with profanities.

Human Beings for all our brilliance often do some very dumb things, recently an article came across the desks of one of the writers who often provides this fine blog with ideas, inspiration and from time to time a piece of writing or two. The article whilst on first glance was quite mundane and something that normally wouldn’t interest the team here at A Mind of Its Own. But after a second glance and a few giggles, like we were back in primary school hearing the words penis and vagina for the first time. Reading it again and again we began to see the stupidity that comes when people see something that could potentially be used as something else or will give them an ability to get more likes on social media.

So we’ve all walked past one of those Lush cosmetics stores, you know the ones you can smell them from one end of the shopping centre and you’re standing down the other end on the lower level. Yeah you know the one we are talking about now. Well it seems they’ve brought a new bath bomb range just in time for valentines day, what that’s not a surprise you say given they are known for their fruity chemical cocktails that get lobbed into your bathtub turning the water every colour under the sun as they foam up the water from their fizz. Well our dear friends this isn’t just any bath bomb range this is the bomb range to end all bomb ranges in your bath. The range includes an emoji peach, a banana and the one phallic symbol that every dirty text message since emojis were invented has included and been banned by instagram. Yes folks you’ve heard it here they’ve come out with the big eggplant emoji in a bath bomb. That big purple monster can add some fizz along with a little hilarity to your valentines day bath.

What’s the big issue you ask? It’s a little fun and something that might spice up your romantic overpriced, commercialed day. Well the issue ladies and gentleman is that some of our female species and potentially male have decided that since it looks like the big eggplant they’ve been sent in many a text message from people feeling in the mood, they’d try to use them as a sex toy. Instead of that fizz dissolving in your bath it’s now fizzing away in vaginas and anuses all around the world. Again we can hear people saying what’s the issue with that? If people want to use the Eggplant emoji bath bomb as a dildo why can’t they? Firstly just don’t and secondly well just don’t there are several medical reasons as to why you’re not supposed to put bath bombs up your vajutes or butt.

If we hadn’t found several articles on it we wouldn’t have believed it ourselves, by doing exactly this you are compromising the good bacteria inside your vagina, direct quote from a doctor, someone who actually took the time to go to university for 6 plus years and learn all about the body. This particular doctor though specialises in Obstetrics and gynecology so we trust her judgement on the matter. Oh and she’s a woman so she has one, a vagina that is. To put it bluntly you are killing all the good bacteria that helps your vagina self regulate, yeah we learnt that as well this week, the vagina is an amazing organ that cleans itself. They don’t teach you that in sex education, instead they introduce you to the banana yet another phallic symbol that has often been where it shouldn’t have as well. Causing a slight itch or at worst a severe urinary tract infection.

The fact that bath bombs include the following ingredients some of which are chemicals we might add is a clear indication as to why you shouldn’t put them where they don’t belong. Citric Acid, Bergamot Oil, Ho Wood Oil, Litsea Cubeba Oil, Tonka Absolute, Fresh Aubergine, Cream of Tartar, Water, Titanium Dioxide, Sodium Coco Sulfate, Propylene Glycol, Synthetic Fluorphlogopite, Tin Oxide, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone, Benzyl Alcohol, Butylphenyl Methylpropional, Citral, Coumarin, Hydroxycitronellal, Limonene, Linalool, Perfume and Colours a shit load of colours each with a different 5 to 6 digit number.

If that’s not enough to turn anyone off from trying to make love to one of these eggplant emoji shaped bath bombs we don’t know what is. The fact that putting any of the above in your vagina screams please give me a serious urinary tract infection if i put this where it shouldn’t go, should be enough to stop people but alas it doesn’t. Despite all the warning labels and warnings from specialist doctors people are still trying to use them as sex toys which takes us back to our above statement about humans being stupid. Maybe some of it’s inherited, maybe some of it’s the internet and social media and maybe just maybe its something do with our laziness as people. Always looking for the quickest and easiest way from point A to B.

Ladies and Gentleman if you feel that you need to make love to an emoji that looks like an eggplant we have done our research for you. Guess what? You are in luck! There is a company that makes an actual sex toy shaped and coloured like the emoji symbol so many people are using as a dick in text messages these days. It’s made of latex and apparently is safe for you to stick where the sun doesn’t shine till your little hearts are content. So instead of sticking that bath bomb up there and compromising your bodies internal ecosystem spend the money and get one that you don’t have to worry about the effects on your foo foo or butt hole.

Is it just the team here at a mind of its own or is social media not only allowing people to do dumb things but driving them to do them as well? With the main driver behind Instagram being to get likes, influence others and grow your network. The trend of “Doin it for the Gram” has seen a spate of idiotic post make their way onto instagram and other social media platforms. We can only imagine the posts making their way onto instagram the days and weeks following the release of lush’s new bath bomb emoji line. #Soreanditchyvagine not put these in your peach etc. There you go folks coined a new hashtag right here. If it’s not people shoving things into orifices they don’t belong, then it’s something else completely idiotic.

Scrolling through Reddit we came across a feed for something called the Tide Pod Challenge you’ll have to forgive us if this is old news but like the ice bucket challenge or the somebody Kardashian lip challenge we were and always will be late to the party. So this tide pod challenge what on earth could it be. Living close to the ocean our money was on something stupid involving the ocean and getting dunked. Lucky we didn’t have a bet down or that money would be going straight to the house. They say the house always wins, in this case it would have won without a challenge. The Tide Pod Challenge like the ice bucket challenge made its way onto social media when a teenager ate one of those prepackaged laundry pods that wash your clothes or dishes and dared his mate to take up the mantle of the challenge.

Again are people getting dumb? That shit can kill you! Depending on the ingredients you might be lucky to just get away with explosive diarrhea but more than likely if it doesn’t kill you it will give you caustic burns to your cheeks, esophagus and stomach. So while you’ve got explosive diarrhea there is a good chance you will also be bleeding from your bum, coughing up blood and not in a good way at all. Good one humanity we are really showing our finest selves on the internet these days. And we thought people experimenting with there sex toy like bath bombs was bad enough, nope some idiots on the internet had to go and one up them and eat washing powder. Seriously what is wrong with people these days? If anyone knows the answer we’d love to hear it. It’s bad enough we can’t seem to find a decent leader to look after our country and our closest ally is ruled by a freaking umpa lumpa who wants to build a wall and a space army.

It seems even the smart people are being struck by dumb although the more research we do here regarding Mr Musk the more we begin to question whether he actually does have any smarts or he’s just got some very smart people working for him who have some genius level ideas that once down on paper make him a fortune. Example in point is that he managed to sell 20,000 flamethrower guns to the public. Our American friends are already crazy enough without there own flamethrowing guns. Toted as the extreme BBQ lighter it wasn’t long before internet erupted with people doing stupid things with there newly named ‘not a flamethrower’ due to some law around calling it an actual flamethrower.

Wait, wait, wait you can’t call it a flamethrower but you can sell it to the public? The majority of who will no doubt do something completely idiotic with it? Who’s the silly person here Elon Musk for thinking this is a good idea? Or the authorities for allowing his drilling company BORING to sell the damn things to the public in the first place? Either way the man with the mouth that never seems to stop and who thinks he’s smarter than everyone in the world made $10 Million selling flamethrower guns and internet got a new bunch of idiots doing stupid things with guns that throw flames. High five said no one with half a brain anywhere!. We’d love to say all these incidents are isolated to the continental united states but unfortunately they aren’t. Australia is seeing its fair share of idiotic things as people are regularly warned and advised by professionals not to do things and yet we keep doing them.

Then there are the people who just don’t have brains, like the countless people who get into bar fights after getting so plastered they don’t remember what day of the week it is or how they got to the bar in the first place. They then end up with an injury that requires a couple of stitches or a bone being reset. Managing to get themselves into a cab, they show some signs of brain function. Right up until the point they dial 000 on there way to hospital and ask for an ambulance. Yeah you might be drunk but surely you are not that stupid, folks it’s time to wake up and stop taking the silly pills. We are top of the food chain for a reason, we have brains and imaginations on top of that we have opposable thumbs and are able to think for ourselves, fend for ourselves and most importantly be ourselves. Unless yourself is a complete moron, then be someone else please for the love of humanity.

So ladies and gentlemen, if something doesn’t look like it should be placed in one of your orifices don’t do it that includes bath bombs and pods. If you have the opportunity to buy a flamethrower just don’t. Unless you are planning on joining a militia, joining Trump’s spaceforce or like most people who bought one just don’t have a brain. One thing writing this post did, was teach us that despite all the warning labels, public announcements and common sense people are always going to do what they want and as they say rules are their to be broken right? Seems if it can hurt, is bad for you or can ultimately kill you someone, somewhere will do it and with social media these days, there is a good chance that someone is filming it for the world.

Until next week stay safe and heed the following public service announcement. Dumb people will continue to do dumb things over and over again continuing to get the same results. Smarter people will do it once or twice before realising that they are being dumb and Smart people just won’t do it at all. Don’t use your bath bombs as sex toys no matter how appealing it might be. Don’t eat your dishwasher tablets because curiosity got the better of you and last but not least leave flamethrowers to the military those guys are trained professionals. Be good to your folks and we’ll be seeing you next week for a brand new episode of A Mind of Its Own…

Everything Must Go…

The one thing traveling certainly creates is the opportunity to meet new and interesting people from all walks of life. People that you may not interact with on a daily basis. People who you normally wouldn’t consider your type of people. People who challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and try something a little different. The other thing travel does is create an opportunity to collect stories and ideas as you go. Everyone has a story to tell and if you give them enough time they will tell your their story/stories over a coffee or alcoholic beverage. Well at least that’s what the team tends to do when they begin tell stories of their endeavours to complete strangers in attempts to pass the time.

Having travelled a lot over the last couple of months, the team at A Mind of Its Own has had the opportunity to sit and listen to a lot people share their stories, experiences and knowledge. Whether it be in direct conversation or through the ancient are of active listening and people watching. Yes we know it is a little creepy but you should really try it some time. Sitting there, over hearing people talk in cafes, bars, restaurants or the airport lounge. Like we did you will hear thousands of stories that range from the believable to the downright insane but there is always someone there sharing with friends or family. By sharing our stories we ensure they are passed on from generation to generation or captured for time eternal when someone takes the time to write them down.

For centuries human beings have shared stories whether it by to pass on history or for entertainment purposes. Humans have always been fascinated and intrigued by the storyteller, from the days of cavemen sitting around a fire grunting their history to children to modern-day parents taking their children to the local library for storytime. Before books, magazines, movies and social media we told each other stories ranging on true to flights of fantasy. From the day we are born till they day we move on from this world we continue to listen to and tell stories whether it be by recounting a memory or moment in time or creating something fictional from the creative recesses of our minds.

Mystery, Horror, Science Fiction, Thrillers, Action and Adventure, Western, Romance and Drama are all categories born from the imaginative minds of storytellers, from everyday people who found an idea and expanded upon it creating and building each scene, each character in their mind like a picture while they recount their story to those who were willing to listen. Even as you recount a memory to family or friends you can’t help but see it moment by moment in your mind, clear as the day it actually happened. As technology advanced and humans developed we were able to take down accounts of those stories. Firstly on stone, then papyrus, finally paper and now digitally to forever live in the cloud (Some guys computer and server in India or the Philippines).

Your favourite writers, artists are great storytellers who have earned a living out of using their wonderful ability to charm and create a story in the minds of their readers, listeners, viewers or even on a blank canvas. Yes each painting, drawing, sketch, doodle tells a specific story in the mind of its creator, yet the person looking at it may see a completely different story in their head. It is their ability to draw in an audience that allows them to craft their art and become masters in their chosen field. Even the guy at your local bar, you know the one we are talking about. The one with his favourite stool that no one else sits in (Well no one who’s a regular anyway), no matter what day it is he’s there sipping on his mid strength sharing a yarn or two with anyone who is willing to listen.

By the time you’ve had your third beer you are enthralled by the man’s life and the things he has seen. The pictures floating through your mind are reminiscent of a motion picture, you give faces to the people, colour to the picture and create life all within the recesses of your own mind. Like a wizard casting a spell, the storyteller has you once again has you entranced and under his spell. Instead of worrying about the outside world for the first time in a long time you find yourself present in the moment. Sharing a drink, a laugh and a story with someone you might not necessarily take the time to stop and talk to on an ordinary day. But you’ve sat there enough and overheard enough of his stories that it’s piqued your interest.

Sitting around the office we began to banter around some of the more out their stories of people we had heard or had recounted to us over the past couple of weeks. There were stories of tragedy, stories of pain, stories of growth and great triumph, stories that made us laugh till a little bit of wee came out and then there were the stories that just had us scratching our heads and asking if that had really just happened. After bantering about the stories we began to storyboard them in what would later be known as the Travel Diary of Deviant Men and Women. We wondered if taking the names and places out could we share some of them with our faithful followers. After a quick google search around proprietary information and copyright laws it became quite clear that as long as we didn’t claim them as our own we were good to go and able to share them with you we just had to ensure that we included a disclaimer..

The following is a collection of storytellers we’ve gathered from around this beautiful country during our travels over the last couple of months. We have tried to recreate events, locales and conversations from our memories of them, In order to maintain their anonymity in some instances we have changed the names of individuals and places. We may have changed some identifying characteristics and details such as physical properties, occupations and places of residences. Google told us we should include a disclaimer so that no one sued our backsides. We are in love with Google here at A Mind of Its Own, it’s like an all-knowing prophet that provides us with much-needed free legal advice. Could google be the fabled Cyberdyne Systems of the Terminator franchise? Oh and that isn’t us saying if you have legal issues just google everything. If you are in trouble go and see someone who went to university studied law, passed the BAR or whatever we call it in Australia and is practicing law as a paid professional

Trying to choose our stories and their storytellers is like you trying to pick your favourite children, yes you all say you don’t have a favourite but deep down we all know you do!. We ummed and ahhed amongst the team as to who should be included and which stories. There was also the element of what was safe and what wasn’t safe for publication after all we are a family friendly blog who never posts anything that is Not Safe For Work (NSFW). At the end of the day it came down to the coin toss, stories and their tellers pitted against one another in the ultimate decision-making process. Heads versus tails, two on a Wednesday outside of the Anzac period is frowned upon but look we aren’t gambling with any money, just people’s ability to tell share their stories on our esteemed platform.

Some of the stories we’ve heard over the years have been better than others like the guy who’s sister arrested him for public urination off a bridge in the wee hours of the morning (pun intended). Or our first story-teller the ‘sausage king of Canberra’ as we came to calling him, had us in stitches with his self-proclaimed status of King, but his realm is not one that most people would want to rule over particularly in this day and age given the #metoo movement and push for greater equality and rights for women. Just all round treating woman better, well not just women, treating everyone in general better.

So SKOC for short is one gentleman that certainly had us somewhat baffled and enthralled at the same time by his stories. He works with some pretty high up and influential people in the country who would be pretty shocked to hear that his hobby and so-called Kingdom was collecting pornography. Not only did he collect it but then he also categorised it and saved it. The kid had over 3 terabytes of porn and growing, safe to say he was also a virgin who doesn’t have a girlfriend. But nevertheless he had us mesmerised by the stories he told, in such detail that we knew then they weren’t a lie. But to be safe we often fact checked his stories just to be on the safe side.

The second cab to pull away from the curb contains our next story and it’s teller. Riding in the backseat while pecking away at some document to ensure is employer doesn’t get screwed in some major deal. Joey, Joseph or the law as he is better known to his friends and family has become someone we trust, admire and perhaps even look up to a little. A self-proclaimed trendetarian he’s always working on some diet he’s read up on the internet and happy to share it with any and everyone including his wife and kids. Most of his stories though if he’s not recounting something legendary his kids have done come from time before all that.

A time when we was young and wild and free thanks Snoop you are still a great rapper even if you now have to collaborate to make a decent song. Back to the law, he’s a bit of a storyteller in general but once he’s had a couple of the finest low carb beers available there is no stopping. There are stories from his misspent childhood through to his university days and even some of the nights out we’ve had out with him over the last couple of years when things have become a little hazy. As some of his mates may remind him frequently when they get together and he gets on a low carb beer induced roll ‘we’ve heard this one before’.

Being a father it’s no wonder he’s a good storyteller and we can’t wait till the day he can sit back with his son’s or daughters, we can’t remember how many he has or what sex they are (Ok we know how many, their sex, ages and names, we are trying to protect his anonymity), and recount his youth with them over a nice cold tinnie or two, no doubt it will be low carb but we’ll never get him on full fat frothies. Regardless of his poor choice in beer we’ve had a good yarn or too and shared some stories with him over time and hope to share many, many more.

Our third and final storyteller is the greatest of them all, a man who had seen it all, done it all and was made out of solid stone. Tough as nails and yet compassionate and caring at the same time. He was a man that books should be written about, a man that in our eyes was a hero, a legend and an all round great man. Yes before we go on, we acknowledge that we have haven’t been very equal in our choosing of storytellers and for that we apologise. We have nothing against women or women who tell a good yarn, in this case they just lost out to luck. That simple toss of the coin excluded them from making the cut.

A husband, father, brother, grandfather and son, he was the best of men always there with an anecdotal reference, a story or to lend a hand. He was a many that told many a story both fact and fiction, from the times they’d finish work and ride their horses down to into, and yes you didn’t read that wrong, into the bar to the times he played football for Fitzroy. He would sit with you listen and then tell you a story that would put everything back into perspective.He was always ready with an example of the good old days, of a time simpler before technology began taking over our lives and the lives of those around us.

An accomplished horseman watching him work with stock whether it be sheep, cattle or other horses was reminiscent of watching the man from snowy river. He could hunt, fish and camp with little to no supplies. A true man of the land, a true cowboy a man with many tales to tell, a man who died with many of those stories still in him. Someone that the team here will always hold dear to them he was a true storyteller and someone who lived a long full life that allowed him to gather his own stories and those of others around him to pass on. An inspiration that helped start this blog he was always someone who told you to follow your dreams no matter how many times you stumble and fall. If you keep getting up you will eventually get what you want. They can take everything from you but they can never take the fight. Not a truer word could be said. Not a truer more genuine storyteller will ever be found.

So as we close our blog on the storytellers, on the men and women who have inspired, encouraged, educated and often distracted from the day-to-day worries of life we take our hats off to the Kings, Cusslers, Rowlings, Lees just to name a few and other storytellers of the world who have inspired us and future generations of storytellers, artists, poets and musicians to continue telling stories whether they be fact or fiction the power of a story is stronger than we realise. The power of a story can often be the thread holding society together, a dream a mere idea that can give power to bigger things. From that one little spark of an idea grows into something to be shared throughout time, from generation to generation.

So from the team here at A Mind of Its Own, if you find something that inspires you to create, to inspire, to share, to dream! Do it, if it makes you happy, if it makes you stop and think and want to inspire others then we encourage you to do whatever it is that makes you want to share your story and stories through your passion whether it be a hobby or your job. As we bid you another farewell until next week, stay safe and be good to your parents, they’ll share the most stories with you throughout your lives.

The Dog Days are Over…

Sorry just let me stop chewing on my bone for a second and let my paws dance across the keyboard once again in what will be the second post of my illustrious career with A Mind of Its Own. And what a career it’s been so far! I’ve been undercover on the Gold Coast in order for us to write ‘Our lawyer made us change the name of this song’ and given you an expose on my life as a Border Collie in ‘Every dog has its day’ and I am now following it up with the aptly titled The Dog Days are Over…

That’s right it’s me again the pup with the power to melt your minds. Call me Socks the wonder dog. Boy or Buddy which has been thrown around way to much lately making me start to question whether my name is Socks or Buddy. Where do I begin? It’s been a troubling couple of weeks in which my family keep reminding me that sleep doesn’t come easy and my dreams are somewhat troubled. The man of the house or human as I prefer to call him as I still have plans on taking the mantle from him, is questioning whether he should take me to see the psychiatrist or not. His google search history is interesting enough when he’s not googling “Can dogs get PTSD?”. So to once again give you an insight into my life the Googling started last weekend after an event on the local beach. It wasn’t the first time an incident had occurred along this pristine part of coastline but this one really shook me up.

Let me paint the picture for you! There I was minding my own business cruising down the beach as i do whenever the humans let me free from the leash they are so fond of keeping me on while we are out of the house. I was chomping away at the waves and chasing the stick that somehow kept flying through the air behind me. I said hi to a few of my people and stopped off for a couple of games of chase. All in all I was having a really nice morning with my humans on one of my favourite beaches. Being in a playful mood I thought I’d leave them a nice present to clean up knowing they had once again forgotten to bring along poo bags and would be forced to shamefully bury it or scoop it up with their coffee cups.

As i watched my humans stoop over in shame and begin to dig a hole in which to bury my doings deep within the earth, a wicked grin stretching across my face I notice a good looking Maltese heading my way further down the beach. She was a little older but still an attractive girl. Readying myself I got down on all fours and waited for her to come closer and closer to see if there was any interest in this young pup. Her owners seemed like a nice couple, they looked well travelled and like people who had made the most of their lives to date. No doubt they had a few grandchildren and possibly even great grandchildren. But that’s got nothing to do with the story whatsoever.

So there I am waiting to see if she’ll let me sniff her butt when out of nowhere I hear and feel the thump, thump, thump of sand behind me. Glancing over my shoulder I see a blur heading straight for me like a bullet from a gun. Like the bus company that transports people around Australia and with the same amount of force, a young greyhound slammed into me. Sorry for the swearing but if humans could understand the varying pitches of my bark what they would have got is “Oh fuck!”. I immediately went to into flight or fight mode. Little good it did me as I rolled on my back trying to play dead. Wanting to take flight I freaked out at this rather rough attempt to play and cried out for my humans to help me!

I’m all for rough housing and god knows my brother Banjo cops it from me when we catch up but this was next level. My eyes darted around for his humans, nowhere to be seen. As he flipped me around and continued his frenzied attempts to play, I scurried off to use my humans as a shield. In his moment of delight pinning me to the ground, my new unwanted friend saw my potential girlfriend approaching. All of a sudden the weight pinning me against the cool sand was gone. I was on my feet again, forcing air back into my lungs as quick as I could.

A bark of warning escaped my mouth as I watched it all unfold before me in slow motion. My tormentor had now become hers as he chased her closer and closer towards the waters edge. Looking on in fright I watched as she backed further and further into the water. Waves crashed down around her at times looking like they were swallowing her whole. Humans ran in from all directions. I saw my human crash through the waves thinking he was David Hasselhoff coming to the rescue of some big boob blonde on Baywatch.

Getting a hold of the Greyhound in what became a wrestle, he held on tight like a bull rider in a rodeo as the Greyhound continued his attempts to play with the petrified Maltese. A group of onlookers had now gathered at the shoreline as the poor old lady waded into the knee high water and pulled my frightened, soaked, friend to safety and hugged her in great relief that she was ok. Scared but ok. Ambling down the beach like he had all the time in the world came a little angry man who despite my human’s attempts to be nice and de-escalate the situation was quite rude and asked and I quote “Does no one on this beach have a fucking brain?” again sorry for the swearing but it was a direct quote and couldn’t be avoided.

Much to the shock of everyone now standing around the arrogant, angry, little man didn’t apologise to the elderly couple or anyone else who’s dogs had been terrorised by his playful Greyhound that should have been on a leash as he couldn’t be controlled through simple voice or whistle commands. Storming off back down the beach I let another little bark fly at his back, that I won’t translate for you as I shouldn’t know that language at my age. I ran over and licked my human to make sure he was ok. Still horrified by my first encounter with an over zealous potential friend I sat there accepting pats and giving my humans the occasional lick to let them know they were loved.

I still see the fear in her eyes as she ran attempted to get away from the Greyhound, my fear paralysing me and my dreams haunted by big dogs chasing me. I yelp out little barks in my sleep that are no longer cute and more concerning to my human who is obsessed with finding a solution to all problems on Google. I think they’ve brainwashed him that they can do anything almost like Elon Musk has convinced himself that he’s not an arrogant dreamer who thinks he’s better than everyone else.

So humans be warned! If you fall into either category below I suggest you stay off my beach! If you are an angry human that doesn’t understand why people are getting upset when your dog is over playful and rough with other dogs and thereby terrorising them or a runner who gets angry when we (Dogs) chase after you pretty please stay away from the part of the beach where we are allowed to roam free without a leash to do our own thing! You humans have a whole coastline where you can do your thing. We dogs are given a tiny bit of space on the beach where we can be off the leash to run and play with each other.

We don’t set out to cause harm or annoy you, we are simply just living up to being man or woman’s best friend. Wanting to be around you and play is what we do. We are your constant, most loyal companions so please look after us. So from me I’ll say thanks to all the responsible humans who look after us. Enjoy your week and be kind to the beach and your four legged friends. From the team at a mind of its own, go with peace and thanks for reading yet another installment of the best blog on the Northern Beaches!

We Don’t Go In There…

This week we thought we’d start out a little different, rather than our usual hello and long-winded interlude to another episode of A Mind of Its Own, we thought maybe we’d just get straight into it and fire away at the subject that has weighed most heavily on our minds and wallets for the week. Then again if we did that this paragraph would become redundant and you’ve have to hear the writing staff drone on incessantly about how they weren’t given the opportunity to introduce their writing and this weeks stellar topic.

Continuing on with our travel theme we decided to actually take to the skies in an attempt to give our readers a more in-depth look at modern-day travel. In doing so we opened our wallets and let the moths take flight grudgingly. The Amex was swiped, our bags were packed and we took to the closest airport to board a flight bound for the City of Churches. Before we could that though we had to endure a rather hands pat down, explosive wanding and the worst part of all, the part that really got our goat and almost saw the Incredible Hulk make an appearance in the middle of the Gold Coast airport. Well we’ll get to that shortly for now we need to take a breath, relax and let you join us on our journey.

Around the world no matter what continent you are on, or where you may call home. The moment you step foot into the terminal its like you are entering mini city that allow for us to fly from A to B in less time than it would take to drive. A little like the towns that highways haven’t quite bypassed as of yet. Like any city, they have their own economy, their own vibe and most of all their own inhabitants. We are talking about the people who call these places work, not just the pilots and flight crews but the ground staff right through to the ladies and gentleman that man the information desks, shops and kiosks around the airport. Think of them like Santa’s elves if Santa was a multibillion dollar industry oh wait that’s a topic for another day.

Does that include the people trying to get you hooked on wine as you walk from gate to gate you ask? Yes it most certainly does, we call them the naughty elves and they are unfortunately apart of the airport community but really no different to the airport bars. They just soften you up with free samples first before they get you to open your wallet in order to pay for the monthly subscription of wine you’ve drunkenly been talked into before you walk past all their little storefront friends who lure you in for a look while you waste time before your flight boards. The more shops you walk into the more the suggestive the devil on your shoulder becomes reminding you of all the things you forgot to pack or might need on your journey. All the advertising doesn’t help either as it subconsciously erodes away the commonsense walls in your mind.

It’s no wonder that a trip to the airport often starts with a trip to the bank to take out a loan. Mostly for the time spent at the airport on either end of the trip no matter how short or long. So why is it that food and items are so expensive at an airport compared to heading down to your local Coles or Woolies and loading up the trolley?. After our arrival yesterday we were shocked and almost fell off our stool as the barman put down an eagerly awaited cold amber ale in front of us an promptly demanded payment to the sum of $12.50. Now before you ask it wasn’t a pint, it wasn’t a craft beer or an international beer. It was a bloody Great Northern and we found it very un-Australian to be paying an arm and a leg for a beer. Whilst paying that amount for any beer that is of a standard size is still ludicrous most people would be ok with paying it for a craft beer or a beer they may not have tried before maybe.

An Australian Beer at an Australian airport at those prices has us scratching our heads and wondering whether we need to start investing in airport shares in order for the dividends to fund a beer or two while we are there. Now it would be ok if the excessive pricing was kept to just alcoholic beverages however we soon discovered that price hiking expanded across any and everything. Head into the newsagent type store, books take a $3 to $4 dollar increase. Lollies increased by a dollar or two. The surf shops have everything at the recommended retail price not a dollar less. Even heading over to Hungry Jacks for a Whopper will cost you an additional $3 dollars more than it would if you were to head through drive on your way to the airport.

So what makes retailers increases their prices to the maximum chargeable amounts in the market. Some would argue the cost of rent is higher at an airport and others would argue that it’s the cost of staff and the weird hours airports keep. But the plain and simple argument we will make at A Mind of Its Own is simple. Costs of goods at airports are what they are due to supply and demand. They have a product, you want the product and it’s not like you can simply leave to go get it somewhere else unless you are hours early for you flight which lets face it most people are not unless they have nowhere else to go.

What are your alternatives you ask? Either plan ahead or take out small loan if you plan on spending more than an hour while you wait for a flight ensuring you fed and well hydrated. Perhaps stopping off at a shopping centre on the way might be your best bet to cover all your bases and ensure you save yourself a couple of hundred dollars and a trip to the bank before the creditors are on your case about repayments. Or you could just choose to drive if you’re heading interstate and have the time. God knows taxiing on the runway at Kingsford Smith Airport feels like you are driving down to Cronulla in order to get a big enough run up for takeoff.

Whatever your preferred method of travel, the one thing we have learnt this week is that airports are expensive places where supply and demand reigns supreme. If you are thinking about taking a trip, do yourself a favour and plan ahead. Like everything, money makes the world go round and the aviation industry is a multi billion dollar beast that sees you coming from a mile off, not just because the planes are big and rather noisy. So for another week we bid you farewell and hope you have a pleasant week. Please remain seated until the captain has turned off the fasten seat belt and when opening the overhead lockers, please take caution has luggage may have moved during the flight Thank you for choosing to Fly A Mind of Its Own.

P.S Keep your eyes peeled for another sneak peek chapter of Fire for Effect coming your way…

Rattling the keys to the Kingdom…

After last week’s excitement of space camp… ahhem… Oh yes sorry we meant Space Force, we scratched our heads and wondered how we could ever top such an insight into the most exciting thing to happen to America since the Olsen twins discovered puberty and Trump asked Mexico to build a wall between them. With the world around us crumbling into a pastry chefs worst nightmare we went to the true powers of the world, google, to give us an idea for this weeks Mind of Its Own.

We thought we might find some inspiration from recent travels or something in the news to write about but it seems the world we live in (The writers at this here institution) has become a little boring over the last couple of weeks. Have we used all our best material? and like a dressmaker before the big show are left with something that looks more like a potato sack than a dress for a special occasion. Unless it’s a potato sack race then you’ve nailed it better than you ever dreamed of.

So after a lot of procrastinating, typing deleting and repeating the process we decided to focus this week on the wonderful world of dieting. That’s right you heard it here first, we are tackling diets like a fat kid on a cupcake. We’ll trim the fat, exercise your… Minds unless there is some new fad where you lose weight from staring at a screen while you read online blogs? Heck there probably is you know and some clown is making millions off it. Ok maybe not millions but he or she is living comfortably in their beachside house or apartment having never spent a day in their life at university, but all of a sudden has become suitably qualified to give, yes you the reader dietary advice.

Where to start??? Atkins, usually A comes first or should we head straight to the latest fad, what was it again? High Fat? Yeah you heard us high fat and if it’s not high fat it’s some hybrid paleo/neolithic/vegan diet where you only eat things raw. Surely soon enough we’ll just go for the foragers diet that consists of nuts and berries with the occasional feed of campfire cooked meat of whatever variety you can get your hands on. There’d certainly be a lot of lean, malnourished people in the world who would be happy with results.

Like a fisherman on the high seas we baited the hooks, cast our nets and trawled the internet to find out just how many diets are listed online. We didn’t have to go far to find sites promising to make you trim, taut and looking terrific in weeks not months just like any infomercial will promise you. Started to remind us of all the ridiculous workout contraptions that have need produced over the years. The office favourite is still the shake weight and please do yourself a favour and head on over to YouTube type in Shake Weight and enjoy the laughs.

Back to our diets from Keto, to Paleo they all have one thing in common! That would be the ultra fit person spruiking them. You can guarantee this person works out five to seven days a week, has always worked out and already eats quite a healthy diet. He or she won’t be found in the line at the local Colonel to get a bucket of the colonel’s original recipe in yet another attempt to crack the 11 secrets herbs and spices. They certainly aren’t propping up the local bar as they down their 10th schooner in an effort to out drink Macca from work who’s been talking big onsite all week as the concrete base to yet another greek monolith home is built in Carlton.

After further googling to understand terminology that has clearly been coined by today’s generation the team finally started to get a handle on the various weight loss diets available to the average Joe. We visited both mens and womens sites offering us insight into how each of the diets on offer for free, introductory prices or a fee that will have you selling a kidney just to participate and die of starvation. Confusion aside some of the diets started to sound appealing particularly when they promise better focus, control and long term benefits to the mind, body and soul.

DASH, Flexitarian, Weight Watchers, MIND, Atkins, Keto, Paleo, CSIRO, Pollo something or rather, hell even religions are offering belief based diets. Whilst some diets are clearly needed for people who are intolerant to certain things we pretty much came up with a diet for everything you could potentially think of. Remember Jared from Subway? I don’t but apparently in an effort to lose weight be dropped the Big Macs, Zinger Burgers and Whoopers replacing them with a healthier fast food option of sugar packed subway sandwiches.

Now we could give you a brief outline on each of the diets we came across but 94 pages later I fear we would have lost some of you to starvation. We know once you pick up that smart device and start reading you can’t put it down until you’ve got your weekly fill of A Mind of Its Own so we chose not to write 94 brief paragraphs outlining all the diets Wikipedia listed. It did get us thinking though that perhaps we could start a distraction diet where you distract yourself whenever you feel the need to eat. Weight loss diet fad here we come. You get your money for nothing…

94 different diets out there categorised into 7 major subcategories and further subcategories in each. It’s amazing that scientist can come up with all this information on nutrition but still haven’t come up with a way to stop world hunger. I mean if people can choose to be polopescatarians surely we can choose to combat hunger for those less fortunate and don’t have a choice in their diet due to lack of shelter, money, food and water. No, no you continue to look at your who magazine, cleo, marie claire and ponder whether you look ok based on what hollywood tells you. Does Who magazine still exist?

So here’s some friendly Mind of Its Own advice!!! Unless you need to be on a diet for medical reason or you are vegetarian either by choice or because you can’t break down meat. Exercise regularly, eat things in moderation and be happy! Things could be far worse for you. If you are reading this life is already pretty damn good for you. You no doubt have a roof over your head, power, clean water, clothes, food in a refrigerator and most importantly access to a smart device. So like drinking wisely, diet right and take the time to create your smoothie to go outside and visit nature it’s that place outside your house with trees and water.

That’s a wrap for another week! We dipped our toe in the deep end and chickened out when it came to diets. There is just far too many choices for us to decide which ones to cover and what isn’t going to put you all into a deep sleep through sheer boredom. We hope you’ve managed to digest your way through our skimming of a topic that really doesn’t hold much of an interest to anyone here. Until next week, eat, drink and be merry and if you can’t be merry be Mary…

Starships and Apocalypse…

Well, well, well… Another week down and we are powering into the second half of the year. What a year it has been so far! A Mind of its Own has worked hard over the past 6 months to bring you some quality pieces to take your mind off the working week allowing you to enter into a world of numerous possibilities. We’ve given you our take on a lot of topics but this week we thought we’d enter a world that quite honestly seems like a place for private school kids and fish n chip shop owners.

Politics or politicians is certainly something we never thought we’d find ourselves writing about and it certainly isn’t on the approved list of topics that adorns the office wall. So why politics this time you ask? That’s a damn fine question and one which we will answer in the following paragraphs to come but before we do that we need to take you on a journey to a galaxy far, far away. Ok maybe we don’t and we might need to check with Disney if we can use that line before they sue us for copyright infringement.

There is one man that has said some of the dumbest things you will ever hear in your life. Hated by the intellectuals and adored by the those who lets say aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed and think insest is ok. We’ve asked the question and we know our readers are certainly asking the same question. How on earth did this mexican hating, balding, red faced, douchebag make his way to the white house? It does lead to even bigger questions about America even allowing him into the big gig. Yes we know there options weren’t great Hillary or Donald but come on Yanks really Trump? The same guy that wants to build a wall to keep out the mexicans?.

So by now you are asking yourselves how on earth we ended up down this rabbit hole and started on our anti-trump campaign. Well let’s rewind to three days ago and if you watch the news it was the most exciting thing Trump has done or said in his time in office. For those of you that prefer to get your news through social media or like to be updated in other ways we’ll spell it out for you. There are currently five branches of the U.S Armed Forces (Army, Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard and Marines). Well our wig wearing buddy announced he wanted the Pentagon to create a sixth branch.

Yes you heard it here probably not first but what Trump announced would have certainly got a lot of geeks super excited and putting there stereotypical wussiness aside and running down to the closest enlistment office to join the one, the only U.S Space Force. Space Force it sounds like something from a 1960’s science fiction film where the earth is attacked by flying saucers and giant aliens from outer space. We honestly wouldn’t have believed it ourselves if it hadn’t been televised on every news station around the globe. He’s buddies Putin and Kim Jong Un were having heart attacks as they looked at their own military forces and their plans to ward off the impending alien attacks.

This comes on the back of the US leaving the United Nations Human Rights Council, it got us wondering whether they were already preparing to build black sites on the moon and Mars in order to interrogate aliens for all their secrets? Oh wait didn’t they already do that at Roswell and then area 51? Hmm are we heading down the conspiracy theory path, no we aren’t but we thought we’d throw that in for a little twist in the plot and to get the readers thinking about all the silly things the US have done throughout the years in their pursuit to police the world and become the dominant power.

Back to the orange faced toupe for a moment this is the same guy that doesn’t believe in climate change but wants to build a wall in space to keep the aliens out? We don’t know that he wants to build a wall for sure but we do know that he wants to build a death star and ensure the US dominance in space incase Russia or China decide to join forces with the aliens and attack the states. We’re not sure why they wouldn’t just attack them on earth but hey a lot of us have always dreamt of joining the Space Force and fighting outside of our atmosphere.

Next thing we know Trump will be spruiking the light and dark side of the force and sending troops off to learn the ways of the force from an old little green man who is full of philosophical one liners. All the while his mate Kim Jong Un will be dressing up as Darth Vader so the two of them can have light saber fights instead of saber rattling on an international scene. What we are questioning though is this the start of a new space race? Who will get to Mars first? Who will build the first space wall and who will have the first space plane?

One thing Trump’s announcement has done is send the defence industry into a spin as they plan and develop weapons for future tenders that will no doubt come out from the Pentagon over the coming years. Will we finally see some lasers and star fighters? We can only hope! As for Donald Visionary or lunatic? It’s a fine line and one we know that he’ll continue to walk while his time in the white house but for now Space Force onya Trump you’ve just made every five year old boys come true! Who didn’t want to fight aliens in a far off land at some point in their childhood!

Well that’s a wrap! Another week down another blog that has taken on a mind of its own. We hope many of you have relived your childhood dreams or at least had a good giggle at our slight insight to the wonderful world that is Mr Trump and his great idea to create SPACE FORCE. We are still laughing at the name surely the military will come up with a better name for this fighting force in outer space. Until next week Peace out and hopefully we won’t need Space Force to save the day.